Which “I” do I ?

Overwhelmed.  Yep.  That’s me right now.  So many changes – happening all at once.  Some good, some not so good, some neutral.

Let’s see, perhaps I should list them.  Oh, not for your benefit, but for mine so that I can see a little snapshot of what I am attempting to navigate:

• I am now Half a Century young, and though I thought not possible, it comes with a bunch of brand new variables to navigate
• My youngest daughter (of 3 “kids”) just moved out
• “Empty Nester” is one of my current titles – how did that happen?
• Downsizing the homestead is looming (which means a probable move)
• I now make an audible “harrrumph” every time I get up from the couch or bed
• Menopause has knocked me a sucker punch to the gut, literally, and has left a trail of disaster in its wake
• My pets have all traveled to the “rainbow bridge” and no one else is THAT glad to see me when I walk in the door
• Business is growing and developing (a good thing!), but can consume me as I, too, grow and develop in my knowledge-base of technology
• My body is slowly breaking down in nearly all of my joints.  Beast Mode has to become Be Careful Mode
• Contemplating how to help my parents, if/when the time comes, as they age
• I live life and do things BY MYSELF a lot because my phase of life is quite different from others my age (namely, they still have rugrats running around the house).  So dinner?  It’s me, myself and I.  Gym?  Lone Ranger.  Listening to live music?  Solo.  You get the picture
• Blah, Blah, Blah

SO WHAT, right?

Yeah.  You’re right.  So what.  The list above doesn’t indicate that big-a-deal and there’s nothing on it that is life-shattering.  But here’s the deal — here’s the SO WHAT —

No matter how we look at change and no matter what those changes are, we have to make a choice which determines how we navigate the different current, otherwise we may find ourselves sinking underneath those changing tides!

We have to ask the question,

WHICH I DO I?

After dropping off my daughter to her college dorm and letting my newfound loneliness sink in to a whole new level, 3 words came to mind — amidst an almost sink or swim moment of emotionalism.

Intermission.  Intervention.  Initiation.

Rather than getting myself completely ramped up over this tidal wave of change in my life, I believe I have the unique opportunity to make a choice between these three I’s.

Do I ….

1. Take an INTERMISSION:  Do I take a breather and allow myself to relax a little — Do things that promote a break from all the soul crushing responsibilities — Give myself a break — Learn again how to live life with more spontaneity rather than being so tied to a hard and fast schedule — Scaling back a bit and taking a long, deep breath before diving into more projects, more deadlines, more “stuff”
2. Have an INTERVENTION:  Do I intervene on my own behalf so as not to drown?  — Sign up to do something new — Create a social group without waiting to be asked to join one — Invite people to do things even if I am almost certain their schedules won’t allow — Surround myself by my adult kids whenever I can — Plan to have new adventures even if on my own — Commit to learning something new and mastering it — Travel to see friends when they cannot come see me — Learn a new language or take a college course — etc
3. Show some INITIATION:  Put action behind my plans — SHOW UP for myself every day — Spearhead fun events and gathering people together — Jump Start my own self care — Implement a plan of action for things that make me smile — Reach out rather than retreat

So … WHICH I DO I?

For me, personally, I am going to play a little mix and match … scrambling those three I’s a little and taking a bite out of each.  How?

An Intermission Amuse Bouche

For starters and as an appetizer to my Scrambled-I meal, I do, indeed, need a bit of an INTERMISSION.  After 25 years of raising kids, caring for pets, owning a business, being the best daughter, sister, friend, spouse, motivator, caregiver, trainer, leader, example, encourager, teacher, entrepreneur, writer, inspirer, cook, cleaner, “et al” I can be — I need an ever-lovin’ BREAK!!!  I do need an intermission from some of the heavy responsibility.  I need to understand that I don’t need to dive in right away to more and more and more things that require me to be the sole caregiver or the only one in charge.  An intermission from heavy responsibility is in order in the here and now, taking on nothing new.  Time to be kind to me.

A Heaping Helping of Intervention

Have you heard that Journey song, “Be Good to Yourself”?  Ahhhh — here are some of the lyrics:

Runnin’ out of self-control – Gettin’ close to an overload

Up against a ‘no win’ situation.

Shoulder to shoulder push and shove – I’m hanging up my boxing gloves

I’m ready for a long vacation.

Be good to yourself when nobody else will – OH, be good to yourself.

You’re walkin’ on high wire, caught in a crossfire – OH, be good to yourself.

When you can’t give no more.  They want it all but you gotta say NO.

OH, be good to yourself

It’s time for my super-hero self to swoop on in and save the day — not ALLOW myself to drown in emotionalism, self pity, loneliness, lack of motivation, self sabotage.  Time for baby girl to get up, put up and shut up.  Nobody puts Baby in the corner, not even herself!  I can be my biggest hindrance and sometimes it is necessary for me to intercede on my own behalf and for my own good — become a mediator of sorts between the stuck between a rock and a hard place me and the over-extended, over-worked, over committed me.  There’s a place in the middle where a big spoonful of intervention can occur and I come out unscathed.

Main Course — INITIATION

It’s all fine and dandy to say, “I need to do this or that” , but it’s a whole other ball game to actually put action behind the words.  I love that line by the one and only Yoda that says, “DO. Or DO NOT.  There is no try,” and you know what?  That furry little creature, strange looking, though he be, is right!  I’m either going to DO something.  Or I’m NOT going to DO something.  My attempts at trying don’t accomplish the Doing or the Not Doing.  It truly is ONE or the OTHER.

I’ll be vulnerable with you by telling you how easy it is for me to retreat, to become the tiniest speck possible when the crap hits the fan.  I allow the waves to crash over me sometimes and permit myself to become tousled and tossed in the current of depression, especially when the waves keep coming and the pressure of their breaks feels too heavy.  I’ll also tell you that, though I may at times feel the initial stages of drowning under the pressure — I have yet to allow myself to drown.  Somewhere along the line I GET BACK UP … I INITIATE a change of course, a plan of action.  I put one outstretched arm in front of the other and I begin to swim.

So … Which I do YOU?

Where are you on the spectrum?

Maybe you need a full, 4-course meal of INTERMISSION.  Maybe you’ve been running way too hard for way too long and you need to unplug, detox, become invisible for a while, dismantle.  And if you recognize that INTERMISSION has become your last ditch effort and will be your saving grace, then I believe it’s time to DO or DO NOT.  A little “power down” is better than the alternative, which is a painful, scary, frantic drowning.

Or perhaps it’s the INTERVENTION that would do you most good.  A little kindness to self that keeps you afloat.  INTERVENTIONS can become a safety net, keeping you from falling off the edge.  It could be as easy as learning how to say NO to others and stand up for yourself, your time, your balance of energy.  Maybe it’s more about saying YES to the things in your life that put a great big smile on your face — those things you haven’t made time for because you are just “too busy”.  By the way, “too busy” and “drowning” look a lot alike.

Or possibly your life lacks your own INITIATION.  You talk a lot and have grand ideas about being healthier, losing weight, getting out from underneath the burden of debt, being a better friend, committing to your own fitness, living a more mindful life, learning something new … but you seldom step up to the plate and actually take a swing.  And you wonder why you just can’t kick the negative thoughts of “should have, would have, could have” which leave you feeling less than enthused about life in general.  It’s possible that INITIATING action, taking that first step is the very thing that will keep you from struggling underneath the water’s surface.

An I for an I for an I … mixed and matched … scrambled up … administered one spoon at a time, today, tomorrow, the next day and ongoing – it could be the life vest that keeps you afloat, come hell or high water, through changing tides or on calm seas.

How do I know?  Well, I’m currently there – have been there before and, I assure you, will be there again … standing there on the edge of what feels like a precipice and uttering the same words that popped into my head just the other day —

Which I do I?

To your BEST YOU YET!